I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.

Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

If you didn’t want to sit at the kids’ table then you shouldn’t have seen the new Twilight movie.

You don't need Thanksgiving to hate your family.

If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment ..... halftime.

For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!

Happy Turkey Day, America! Don’t forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.